Emotional Abuse – I Too Was a Victim

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When we are young, we learn that hitting is absolutely wrong. When we get older, we learn that hitting is actually called physical abuse.

When we are young, we learn that hitting is absolutely wrong. When we get older, we learn that hitting is actually called physical abuse. Physical abuse is physical force or violence that results in bodily injury, pain, or impairment. It includes assault, battery, and inappropriate restraint. Throughout my relationships I made it clear to the partner I was with that I will never take any type of physical abuse. Little did I know that I was being abused, not physically but emotionally. For many, emotional abuse can leave deep and lasting scars. More so then physical. Luckily I was able to get out of this relationship for good before he would destroy the little confidence I had left. At first he was quite charming but as time past, I notice little things. I had to be careful not to say the wrong things. I was “walking on eggshells”, like many of us would say.

At times little things would tick him off. So much so that he would stand in front of me, almost like a drill sergeant, and start to scream at me. I remember one time I was driving and he was screaming at me, so much so that I had to park on the side of the road until things calmed down. At times I locked myself in the bathroom just to make him stop. He would say the most awful things to me, making it clear that I was nothing without him and at times he would even make things up. Made me feel as though I was losing my mind and would make me second guess myself. He never acknowledge anything I ever did in our relationship and I was always to blame for every fight. Crazy enough, I would believe him and apologize. I could not say how i felt because I knew this would lead into an argument. Why did I put up with this type of abuse? Because I was blind and in love. Although he was a totally jerk whenever he got upset, he was perfect when he wasn’t. He cooked for me, gave me massages, told me all the time how much he loved me, very affectionate. I could tell him just about everything. He was my best friend. We knew each other’s deepest thoughts and secrets. Everything a woman ever wanted and more, when he was not angry.

I made excuses for his behavior. He been through a tough life, abusive parents & war veteran. But one day I had enough. After months of avoiding confrontation with him and just being “happy”, the outburst happened once again. The screaming, the lies and put downs. I took stand and showed him I wasn’t afraid of his abuse anymore. I took my stuff and left. Although I left my fiance, my best friend, my dreams with him behind, I gained back my respect, confidence and life. I admit that I did hit him before I left, but I was angry and hurt. I don’t agree with any type of abuse, man or woman but this little 5’3, 125 lb woman hit a 5’10 feet, 195 lb ex marine this one time but he abused me mentally and hurt me more then that and I don’t regret it. Please don’t turn things physical like I did because I was lucky this person did not hit me back or worst, many others wouldn’t be so lucky.

If you are not really sure if you are in an abusive relationship, take a look at the signs below. I would like to thank Help Guide.Org for the great info:

Do you:

  • * feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  • * avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
  • * feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
  • * believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
  • * wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
  • * feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Does he:

  • * humiliate or yell at you?
  • * criticise you and put you down?
  • * treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
  • * ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
  • * blame you for his own abusive behaviour?
  • * see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

No one deserves to be abused in any way or form. Please get out of the relationship before it is too late. If you can’t, he or she will need to get some serious counseling for their behavior. If they don’t get counseling and you continue on with this relationship, it will get worst. You deserve better and just remember that you are not alone. If anyone needs to talk, I will be glad to help.

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By: Jess Lorinter
LInda Aviles enjoys writing and giving advice.

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