Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and if left unattended it can literally wreck havoc in our relationships and marriage. Why do we get jealous of our spouse? Why does jealousy hurt so badly? Jealousy hurts because we feel this emotion usually after our spouse has harmed us in some way. But sometimes we feel jealous for no reason whatsoever and this is very harmful to our relationships.
There are several reasons why we get jealous. Jealousy is a mixture of insecurity, anxiety, and fear. And if we allow this emotion to take precedent in our life we will surely create problems in our marriage and other relationships because of it. To have these feelings can be scary. But did you know that God tells us there is nothing to fear when we put our trust and confidence in Him. God will take fear, jealousy and anxiety away from us.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" (Mark 4:40)
Childhood environment has a lot to do with how we react with our spouse and other people we are involved with. This is one reason why it’s crucial for families to stay together and adhere to the proper roles and positions given to them designed by God. God definitely knew what he was doing when he established marriage – there is a purpose for each and every person in the family and when we rebel against the design of God we can see the impact of how negative emotions can rule the heart. For instance, if a parent abandoned us when we were little we may carry those feelings over into our relationships with others.
The good news is it does not have to be like this. We can overcome jealousy by learning to put our trust in Christ. When we put our trust in Christ we will automatically trust our spouse. Where is the jealousy? Where is the fear? Where is the anxiety? By learning to give up being in control of our jealousy, we can finally be free of the feelings that make us feel jealous. Why don’t have to let jealousy hurt us so bad.
Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?
If our spouse has sinned against the marriage in some way and we are jealous and suspicious of them, then those feelings are justified, but there are ways we can use our emotions in productive ways to bring about a resolve to the marriage dilemma. When we communicate properly about how we feel rather than remain in a defensive mode of character, we can better figure out ways to mend the marriage. Jealousy makes us defensive and we use it to tear down the marriage rather than build it up. But this way is allowing our emotions to control us.
Understand that our emotions don’t have to control us. We can be in control of how we use our emotions by realizing the potential of what they can do. Jealousy can bring about many other issues and cause resentment and animosity with the person we are jealous of. This is what we don’t want. What we do want is to talk about our feelings with our spouse and come to an amicable solution to resolving the issue of jealousy in an appropriate manner.
The best way to get over jealousy is to express ourselves about why we feel jealous. Don’t be afraid to talk about the way you feel and why you feel a certain way. If there is good reason to feel mistrust or suspicious with your spouse find ways through your communication to reestablish trust with them again. Scripture gives us the principles we need to overcome our emotions and move on in a good way with our spouse. Our emotions are ok to have when we don’t let them take control over our lives.
We need to pray about it and ask Christ to give us a fresh new look at the issue in the marriage that is causing the jealous emotions. Build the marriage back up by learning to work together in healing and restoration of the marriage, always keeping God in the forefront while respecting one another in all ways.
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth".
(1 John 3:18)